Tuesday, March 08, 2011

'Is today really the correct day...?'

A thought that entered my mind a couple of weeks back. Not very deep or very philosophical. I can't exclusively think awesomeness, a mind needs variation. The drain in my bathroom from both my sink and bathtub has been a little 'unthirsty' lately. Fortunately working for a supplier of laboratory equipment has its benefits. Sometimes we have chemicals that pass expiry date. Sometimes those chemicals come in handy.

-Expired sodium hydroxide* meet drain. Drain meet expired sodium hydroxide. Hopefully you'll get along dandy.

Said and done. I removed the drain hose from my washer from the floor drain so it wouldn't get damaged from the drain cleaner(yes there's a logical leap here but I'm not always logical). However the day I put my nefarious plan into action was one of those days.

'So you missed the bus this morning, your lunch was overcooked and under-spiced, you paid good money for said lunch and lots of work came your way like that old friend that you have an absolute perfect reason to not call your current friend and that reason is that he just doesn't know when to go away...'
'... Is today really the right day to be handling corrosive pastilles without any kind of protective wear.'

I can see you from this side of the monitor going:

'Yeah this story ends with him getting corrosive burns'

Well, thanks for the confidence fucker, I do know my way around chemicals. I emerged unscathed.

It however got me thinking on making an update along the lines of 'Is today really the correct day...'

In the end it didn't seem all that funny. So it got ditched.

Today I got lots of things done at work, impressed people left and right made new acquantances. I did my regular 40 laps in the pool. Got a real good workout, kicked with the legs real good so I exercised the entire body not just the upper torso. I swam faster than I usually do. It was awesome! I was awesome! I was really really spent. After the swim I went to the grocery store. Picked up some Pastrami, some good bread, some Jarlsberg-cheese and 6 1,5literbottles of bottled water. (roughly 2,5 gallons for you metrically impaired). As soon as I got out of the store my arms were beginning to protest. I live on the third floor in a house without an elevator. There may have been crying.

'So you just gave your body the hardest workout in like forever...'

'...was today really the day to go buy a sumo pack of bottled water?'

I got inside and since I was still high on endorphins I used the momentum for something that was long overdue; my laundry.

I rounded up my clothes and fed the washing machine. However as I was feeding it the detergent my hand was so unsteady I spilled a non-zero amount of detergent into the compartment for the rinse. I'm not sure how your washing machine is constructed but I can assure you with mine it's physically impossible to remove detergent from the rinse compartment. So... 'I suppose rinse goes in here as well.'

The clothes I had decided to do first was my underwear. Every single garment of underwear in my apartment (I told you it was overdue, and yes I am indeed without underwear as I'm writing this). The thought of stiff and itchy underwear wasn't one I relished very much.

'Are you sure this was the correct day for doing your laundry?'

'Well now that you put it like that... but really there was no other option'

I sat down to do some chatting with friends, some listening to music and lo and behold writing a blog entry on the theme 'Are you sure this is the correct day...'. I also called my grandfather to see if I could borrow his car to go to Oslo this upcoming weekend for a nerdy card-game-event. Fortunately there was no problem with borrowing his car. For those of you unscholared in the arts of blinding flashes of obvious; this event of course takes place the weekend after this one. 'Was this really the correct day...' indeed.

Eventually I returned to the washing machine after it had quited down.

'HOW ON EARTH AM I STILL ALLOWED TO LIVE ON MY OWN?!?!?!'

'I SHOULD BE WATCHED LIKE MOST OF THE TIME SO I DON'T ACCIDENTALLY HARM MYSELF IN SOME COMPLETELY UNLIKELY WAY'

The draining hose from the washing machine that I foreshadowingly removed from the floor drain a couple of paragraphs up. I had cunningly left it on the floor, with a reminder in the back of my mind to make sure to put the hose back, or at least move it to the bath tub before I did any washing. Unsurprisingly my bathroom floor was wet all over.

My two stylish and very handsome bathroom rugs were saturated with laundry drainage. My clothes (including my wallet) that I had cunningly put on the floor in my endorphin rush were even wetter. Fuck you, I know what an oxymoron is. It's a moron that's so oxygen-deprived that he forgets his drain hose on the washing machine. By sheer dumb luck I actually went back and retrieved my iPhone from one of the pockets on the shirt that I had thrown on the floor before I started the washing machine.

'Was tod...'

'No... not at all. Not even close. There's a madman in Libya more correct than this'

Please note that I started working on this update before the drain-accident. Yes, my friends you get to experience retardedness in real time. I serve you nothing but the very best.

Today was the correct day for being today.

Have a nice correct today.

*Fancy chemist speak for 'drain cleaner'

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Epic.

P.