Thursday, March 03, 2011

I think this might be a big one...

You've read the blog now since its recent resurrection. Speaking of which, does that make this blog Jesus and me, as its creator, God?

As I was saying before I was struck with megalomania of Ghadaffi-an proportions:
You've read the blog and while I have provided lots of anecdotes about my personal life I'm not sure if I've let you all in on who I am. Most of you undoubtedly know me in person since I'm not that much of an internet-celebrity yet, a couple of you I've only met on a handful occasions and a few of you I've never met.

I am 31 years old going on 32. I weigh 137kgs/302pounds (yes I'm losing weight) stand 6'7/201cms. I don't do any drugs(prescribed or otherwise), I don't smoke and I only drink socially. I have no criminal record.I have a problem with lactose but not to the extent of lactose intolerance. I have developed an insulin resistance most commonly associated with type2 diabetes.

I work in marketing.

I subscribe to Richard Dawkins theories, but find his rhetoric unnecessarily provocative, especially when they're used by people who are just regurgitating for cheap points.

I'm at my happiest when I get to impress. Either be it when I pull out some random fact that I memorized or when I submit my writing for the scrutiny of your eyes.

I have a tremendous sense of duty paired with horrible self control. Yeah that leads to inner conflict and anxiety.

I have literary ambitions but am too lazy to get my work finished. I'm a storyteller and hopefully you all will get to read my story some day. I have a couple of projects in the pipeline.

I have one true fear and that is that I will lose the ability to make myself understood. I pride myself so very much in my ability to make people understand what I feel and what I mean.

I have been in life-threatening situations on two occasions, once in what was up until then the severest tram-crash in my towns history, and once when I was stuck under a fork lift.

The tram-crash was with my class mates in 4th grade (11 years old) and the driver of our tram apparently blacked out while driving on the part where the trams are allowed to drive the fastest. This day another tram had stopped there. I can still recall what I was thinking just seconds before the impact: 'nothing exciting ever happens in my life'...

'May you live to see interesting times', indeed. Yeah that didn't mess with my pre-adolescent mind at all. 4 of my classmates were stuck in the totally wrinkled mess that was the front of our tram. I wasn't harmed. I'm very happy that nobody died in that crash.

In 2003 I was once again in mortal peril. This time through my own accord. Without going into details a fork lift similar to the one shown on the picture had tipped backwards with me inside it. The toes of my right foot and the heel of my left foot was stuck beneath the forklift, which made the cap of my steel capped boot fold inwards and nearly sever my big toe and fracture my left foot calcaneus. That's basically the big lump in your heel. Everyone at work was superhelpful in getting me out from under there and I was convinced that I was going back to work. Paramedics and colleagues didn't agree. Because of complications in the healing process I was also gifted with infection and necrosis in the scrubs and scrapes that I got in the accident.

I use humor as shield to keep people from getting to know the real me. Not because I'm afraid that they won't like it, but because I'm afraid that there isn't a real me. I'm very adaptable. I fit in OK in most groups. OK being the operative word. I'm not them, I will always stand out a little. I will always be a _little_ strange to everyone. Peter Sellers once got the question 'What are you like in person' and supposedly he answered 'There is no me' or something to that effect. I'm afraid that that's me. Oh yes I did. I identified myself with one of the greatest actors of last century.

I have friends that I cherish beyond everything. I'm very careful with my privacy, not like I build fortresses around my home or anything. I just make sure to get good doses of me-time when I feel I need it. I'm afraid that it seems like to others that I'm shutting them out. Because I do care what people think of me. I'm very vain in some aspects. And no 'me-time' isn't a euphemism for masturbation. (this time)

I lost my mother when I was 17 and I wasn't ready for adult life. I jokingly say that at 31 I'm still not an adult and I suppose in some instances it isn't a joke.

I'd rather shut up than not know what I'm talking about which leads to me being silent in some conversations.

I hate clichés but use them far too often. Every now and then I catch myself with a cliché and it hurts every time.

When I publish my book, it will be under a false name. That way when I recommend a book to you, you'll never know if I'm self-promoting. And also because I like dramatic revelations. Perhaps even mostly because of that.

I pride myself in being able to see things through another persons eyes. As far as it's possible at least. I have a friend who's a real diabetic, not like us sugar-munching type-2 wannabee's. I can never put myself in his situation because I don't have anything at all to relate to.

I like piano music, I like rap, I like violins, I like heavy metal. I like good music.

I get romantic when I eat sugar. And believe it or not. I'm happy just the way I am.

It's been a long post, sorry for rambling. Now you know about me.

3 comments:

Patrik said...

A fair bit of new information even for someone who thinks he knows you.

Simon said...

Nothing new really, but it's always nice to have confirmation of things you've only estimated (though I'll still think of you as OVER TWO METRES TALL and delete the measly 201 info (yes, I can delete info from my brain if I want to)).

Anonymous said...

Well, we do fit into most situations and groups, dont we :)
Didnt think you were one of us - the "there is no real me" people. Rly saw you simply as pure good.
Peter Sellers - big step - he is Clouseau! Without any desire to argue against him being great, i still want to argue about the "actor" part. A human that has no steady identity, in my oppinion, cannot truly be qualifyed as an actor. He was an amazing performer, but his greatness was in performing not complete restructuring of his personality, which is more of a definition of acting.